Should you coach your own child in a sport? That time together can be great and create a lifetime of good memories for both of you. It can also have negative repercussions. Being the coach’s kid is tough. They play in a different spotlight than everyone else. For the adult, separating parental feelings and coaching duties is tough too.
There are some important issues to consider, especially if you coach beyond the initial years of your child’s athletic experience. Tension can build and damage the relationship between parent and child. Hopefully, the hints that follow will help coaches avoid conflicts.

CHILD
It is impossible to be impartial about your own child! You will be more proud of their success than anyone else is … and you’ll be more upset if they perform poorly. Try to step back and treat them just like you would any other kid. Most coaches err on the side of being too tough and critical, which is not fair. A few are coaching to make sure their kids get preferential treatment, which isn’t fair either.
Ask your child how they feel about you coaching. Is it really OK with them? You need to be upfront with each other about what to expect and get an understanding of the pressures that come with being the coach’s kid. Decide whether you should be called “Coach” rather than “Mom” or “Dad.” Make it very clear how you will interact and treat each other.
Just as the adult needs to separate the jobs of coach and parent, the athlete is trying to juggle two roles. Respect their boundaries between being a player and a son or daughter. Do not ask them for reports on what’s happening with the other players or privately discuss coaching decisions with them. Keep coaching issues to yourself.
One of the biggest challenges to overcome is the universal tension between parents and teenagers. Kids are trying to become independent from their parents and that often shows up as disrespect or rebellion. If the coach’s child is exhibiting these behaviors, it may destroy team morale or the coach’s reputation. It’s tough, but essential, that your child faces the same consequences as everyone else. It’s also necessary to treat all players with respect, including your child.

FAMILY
It’s hard to stop being the coach when you get home. It is necessary, however. Family relationships are affected by coaching. A coach’s life during the season is very intense and time consuming, so a determined effort must be made to make time for your family. Don’t bring the game home and have it monopolize all conversations! Talk about the sport only if someone else brings it up.
Spouses are in a particularly difficult situation. They might feel like they are being left out of your life. They end up in the middle if there is tension between coach and child. Siblings may feel ignored. Other parents think your spouse knows everything that’s going on and may pump them for information. They are expected to carry messages to the coach and will hear comments from fans. Sitting in the stands can be very uncomfortable. Be aware of the impact on your family.

TEAM
Hope your child is so good that nobody questions their playing time, position or spot on the depth chart. If not, there will be innuendos about favoritism. If he/she is not the best, hope your family recognizes that truth; otherwise the people you care most about will be upset.
It’s tough to find a balance between being too hard on your child and giving preferential treatment. Fans will be watching (and commenting about) how you treat each athlete. Ask your assistants to tell you if they perceive any disparity. Other kids will be resentful if they sense the rules are different for them and may isolate your child. Allow them to be a part of the team family. Treat all the kids as if they were your own.
Coaching your child can be a wonderfully rich experience. Don’t let anything interfere with that.

Karen Coffin, retired coach, is a member of the P.C.H.S. Athletic Hall of Fame. She is a published writer and a facilitator for Ohio Coaching Education classes. Contact her at coachcoffin @cros.net.